Flaileigh
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re:Becoming a Grandmaster? - 2005/11/05 12:59
played seriously before, it takes someone of roughly expert strength to beat friends consistently. Once you have done this, be sure to tell anyone who asks about your chess skill that you are unrated but of "Master" strength. If they don`t believe you, shore up the point by analyzing one of your games for them, and show how your opponent could have won if he saw the mate in two that you did. Also, play lots of blitz on Yahoo and ICC. Once you reach an 1800 rating on any of these on line servers, you can probably expect to beat most experts in over the board play. actually going to SEE all the pieces you hang, concentrate on memorizing long strings of opening theory. If you know a particular variation of the Sicilian out to move 30, you are guaranteed a good game at least 10 percent of the time, at least until move 31. If your opponent ever makes a move out of book, jump up and shout "THATS WRONG!" until your opponent is shamed into making the correct move. if it takes you 10 months to get from 1200 to 1400, and only 1 month to get from 1400 to 1600, you should expect to reach GM level well before your set goal, once you have achieved C-Class. You will never, ever, ever hit a wall. Your chess progress will always proceed smoothly upward, without any dips. If there is a dip, your opponent is cheating, or the USCF has tampered with your scores, if this happens, the first question you should ask yourself is: "am I an Afro-American?". when you lose, you should always throw the castle (pronounced "Caste UL") at your opponent rather than the horse, which will dodge and miss its target. be disbursed generously by Kirsan Ilyumsinov. No need for you to worry about it. you are winning, either offer a draw in a won position, or crush her quickly and then be extremely patronizing in post game analysis. She will respect you for it. If the girl is a groupie/spectator, be sure to make her aware of your generous pornography collection and fondness for prostitutes. Also assure her that your wife does not enjoy chess and does not come to tournaments.
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When you have the facts on your side, argue the facts. When you have the law on your side, argue the law. When you have neither, holler.
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